


I've Been Trying To Fix My Pride

by ZahlzStar



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Carmilla Big Bang 2017, Carmilla Big Bang Challenge, F/F, High School AU, Mostly Fluff but I'm sorry for the Angst, The working title was Teen Angst, many tears were shed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-09-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 02:06:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZahlzStar/pseuds/ZahlzStar
Summary: Laura is continually bested by Carmilla in her English class. The one day that Laura places highest in the class is also the only day that Carmilla doesn’t show up. Laura is worried, but only because she wants to prove that she’s better than Carm when the girl is actually there because what’s the point otherwise, right?Or the one where Laura is nosy as hell, Carmilla is lonely, and not everything has a happy ending.





	I've Been Trying To Fix My Pride

**Author's Note:**

> Oh my Lord, this story was an ordeal. I wrote the bulk of it over the last few weeks, so I've just been in stressed out writer mode and it just about killed me. I do apologize for the angst, and don't feel bad if anyone starts crying. I 100% did while writing it. Enjoy, imma get back to my regularly scheduled procrastination.
> 
> If y'all want extra suffering, here's the playlist I made while writing the story.   
> Teen Angst: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLUMsuLYwQ6_jF9Dm2L_gE_smcLuhi33s-

_ “Hah, 99! There’s no way she got higher marks than me on that test, Macbeth is ridiculous,” Laura waves her marked test paper around with pride. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Nice try, Cupcake,” _ _  
_ _ Laura turns to look at Carmilla and sees that Carmilla has her head resting on one arm, and her test paper held out in the other. Laura growls under her breath when she sees the perfect 100 written and circled on Carmilla’s paper.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “How do you even do that? All you ever do in class is sleep,” Laura exclaims and Carmilla raises her head to look at her before quirking an eyebrow.  _ _  
_ _ “Did it ever occur to you that the way you see things may not actually be the way they are? Just because it looks like I’m not paying attention, doesn’t mean it’s true,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura scowls as what Carmilla had said sinks in, while the girl in question gets up out of her chair and heads for the door. By the time the teacher looks up to reprimand Carmilla, the bell is already ringing and Laura grumpily begins shoving her belongings into her bag.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ This annoyance isn’t something new for Laura, Carmilla has always and is likely to continue to beat her in class. Regardless of the class content, and regardless of how little she seemed to pay attention, somehow Carmilla alway managed to top her. In the least enjoyable sense of the word.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ As Laura thought back to how aloof Carmilla had been during the test, it made her even angrier. Laura had been struggling through the test, trying her hardest to structure her answers to get full marks for each and every one. She slaved away over the stupid sheet only to look up and seen that Carmilla was lounging back in her chair with her foot propped up on her seat and a pencil balanced on her nose. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura must have actually growled out loud in frustration because the teacher and a few students turned around to look at her with varying expressions of boredom and concern. One of which, was Carmilla herself, who had tilted her head to drop the pencil into her hand and was now smirking at her.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Feet on the ground, Karnstein. Finish your test,” Mrs Cootha reprimands, but she’s hardly invested given the fact that she knows Carmilla will be right back to doing the same thing the second she looks away.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I finished twenty minutes ago,” Carmilla responds, placing her foot back on the ground to appease the woman. She does her best not to flinch as her sore muscles twinge, the fresh bruise on her side aggravating itself once again. She had her foot up for precisely that reason because it meant that her pain was more manageable keeping it tucked away. However, she didn’t feel like dealing with detention because she was ignoring teacher instruction, so for the moment, she’d just had to deal with it.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura glares at Carmilla, knowing that the twitch of Carmilla’s mouth is definitely for her and not for the teacher. Carmilla doesn’t even need to be looking at her at this point apparently.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Without realizing it, Laura had been pressing the tip of her pencil harder and harder into the paper and a moment later the tip of her pencil snaps. Laura stares down in surprise at her pencil and she looks up to see that Carmilla was the only one to notice this time.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Here, take mine. It’s not like I need it,” Carmilla offers, smugness settling on her face and building a home for itself. Laura looks first at the pencil, then at Carmilla, before grabbing the pencil out of her hand with a forced, “thanks.” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Have I ever told you how much I love that bunched up, little face you make?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hollis, cool it with the stationary destruction. Karnstein, stop talking. Just because you’re finished, doesn’t mean I need you distracting everyone else,” Mrs Cootha says, only briefly looking up from her laptop.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Alright, alright. Simply doing my good deed for the day, I’ll be quiet,” Carmilla responds, hands in the air and a grin on her face. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura shakes herself out of the memory as she finishes packing her things, scolding herself for how silly it was to be mad at a memory. No, it made far more sense to just be mad at the person that caused it.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Well done, Laura. You got the top score today,” Mrs Cootha smiles as she places the paper down on Laura’s desk and she feels a sense of victory wash over her.  _ _  
_ _ “Hah, I finally beat her,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura turns to Carmilla’s usual seat, fully prepared to gloat but the smile gives way to confusion when she realizes that Carmilla isn’t actually in her seat. Laura whips her head around, searching the room for the broody girl. Instead, she meets Lafontaine’s gaze, receiving a knowing look.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You finally noticed she isn’t here, huh? To be honest, I’m a little surprised, given how much time you usually spend staring at her,”  _ _  
_ _ “What? I do not stare at her. If anything it’s more of a glare, and anyway, I swear I saw her this morning,” Laura exclaims and Lafontaine shakes their head. “‘Ghost of Karnstein’s Past maybe, but ‘fraid not, she’s been MIA today,”  _ _  
_ _ “What, that’s not fair. I can’t be top of the class by default. Where is she?” Laura huffs and Lafontaine shrugs their shoulders.  _ _  
_ _ “My guess, she’s at home,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura frowns and as the bell rings, she contemplates what to do from here, she could potentially just accept that she finally beat Carmilla. The second she thinks that, she makes up her mind that that is most definitely not what she’s going to do.  _ _  
_ _ Her next thought is something far more useful, and without another minute of deliberation, Laura heads off in search of Perry in the school office.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Perry, I need your help,” Laura blurts out the moment she sees the principal’s assistant. Perry shrieks in surprise at Laura’s sudden appearance but quickly straightens her appearance and the papers in her hands.  _ _  
_ _ “Aren’t you meant to be in class?”  _ _  
_ _ “Yes, but that’s not important right now. I need Carmilla’s address,” Laura deflects and Perry tilts her head for a moment as she processes what Laura had just said.  _ _  
_ _ “Why on earth would you need Carmilla’s address?”  _ _  
_ _ “Because, I refuse to be bested by a sick day,” Laura replies with a firm nod of her head and Perry looks even more confused by the whole situation.  _ _  
_ _ “That makes no sense, and besides, I can’t just give you a student’s private details. That sort of thing is confidential,” Perry insists but Laura simply waves her off.  _ _  
_ _ “Sure you can, just look it up on the school system. It’ll be a piece of cake, like two minutes tops,”  _ _  
_ _ “Laura, don’t be ridiculous. I could lose my position over something like that. Then what would I do with my free period?”  _ _  
_ _ “Sleep like the rest of us do?” Laura offers and Perry displays a look of horror at the idea of sleeping during school hours. Upon seeing this look, Laura immediately begins to backtrack.  _ _  
_ _ “Look, nevermind that. Just help me out with this, if you do, I promise to help you with your new health food kick,” Laura tries to reason and she can see Perry’s stern exterior beginning to cave.  _ _  
_ _ “Alright, fine. Lord only knows that you need to consume something that doesn’t have the sugar content of a Lucky Charms Leprechaun,” Perry sighs and Laura gasps. _ _  
_ _ “First of all, I resent that. Second, I also need her class schedule,”   _

_  
_ _ ~ _

_  
_ _ “Come on, Laura. You’ve come this far. It’s just a really nice looking house. A really nice looking house that an equally nice looking girl resides in,”  _

_  
_ _ The longer Laura stands outside of Carmilla’s house, the further her brain descends into all of the really nice looking things about that girl in particular.  _

_  
_ _ Laura shakes her head and finally wills herself to step towards the house, fully aware that this could very well be the biggest mistake she’d made since the time she ordered an entire pound bag of Lucky Charms Marshmallows on Amazon and then had to highjack her dad’s bank account and eat the entire bag to hide the evidence. It hadn’t been one of her brightest decisions for sure, but it made for an excellent story at the very least. Her stomach twinges slightly at the memory but before she has much of a chance to dwell on it she finds herself on Carmilla’s doorstep.  _

_  
_ **_Here goes potentially everything._ **

_  
_ _ The first knock seems entirely too soft for anyone to have actually heard so Laura turns up the force, resulting in the second being entirely too loud, and the third being a socially acceptable level. The entire ordeal ends up being some strange retelling of Goldilocks but Laura is too far in to really be able to back out now. She supposes she could turn tail and run for it, but the likelihood of tripping down the stairs is a little too high for Laura to really want to try it.   _

_  
_ _ The decision to stay put is made for her when the door swings open and a very confused Carmilla is standing in front of her. A moment later Carmilla is standing significantly closer, causing Laura to take a step back as the now panicked girl closes the door behind her.  _

_  
_ _ “Laura, what the hell are you doing here? How did you even find my house?”  _ _  
_ _ “Long story, and I’m gonna have to go on a diet, but that doesn’t matter. Why weren’t you at school?” Laura crosses her arms and puffs up her chest, trying her best to look intimidating. She probably fails miserably but Carmilla seems to be too distracted to really pick up on it. _ _  
_ _ “You really shouldn’t be here, Laura,”  _ _  
_ _ “What? I wanted to check on you, why is that a bad thing?” Laura asks and Carmilla opens her mouth to respond, but before she can the front door opens behind her. Carmilla snaps her jaw closed and her whole body tenses, a look of fear flooding her face and Laura is left to look up at the 6 feet of power suited, middle-aged indifference that was now staring down at her disapprovingly from behind Carmilla.   _

_  
_ _ “Carmilla, dear. You didn’t inform me we’d be having a guest,”  _ _  
_ _ “I’m sorry, Maman. I forgot to tell you that Laura was coming over to help me with the classwork I missed today,” Carmilla almost stutters through the sentence, spinning around to face her mother.  _ _  
_ _ “I see, can she speak for herself?”  _

_  
_ _ “I can, yes. I’m sorry to drop in like this, you have a lovely home. I’m Laura, Hollis,” Laura tries her best to sound respectful and offers her hand out. The woman looks down at it with too much contempt for Laura to not be offended but an icy hand soon reaches out to return the handshake and Laura feels even less at ease.  _

_  
_ _ “Lilita. Well, then. I shall leave you to it. Carmilla, do try to remember next time, and I don’t want our guest staying too long, the house is hardly tidy at the moment,”  _ _  
_ _ “Of course, Mother,” Carmilla nods as her mother disappears inside the house, and Laura now understands exactly why Carmilla didn’t want her there. That was terrifying, if she didn’t know any better, she’d say that she just lost five years of her life.  _

_  
_ _ “Well, that was terrifying,” Laura verbalizes and Carmilla lets out a shaky breath. _ _  
_ _ “Lilita Morgan, Woman of the People,”  _ _  
_ _ “Something like that. Yeah,” Laura replies, giving Carmilla an odd look.  _ _  
_ _ “Look, wait here and I’ll go grab my backpack so it looks like there might be actual learning happening. We’ll uh, we’ll go for a walk,” Carmilla says and nods to herself being heading back inside and leaving Laura a moment to try and catch her breath.  _

_  
_ _ True to her word, Carmilla returns a few minutes later with her bag slung over one shoulder as she directs Laura in the general direction they would be going in.  _ _  
_ _ After ten minutes of general small talk, Carmilla begins to loosen up to her usual, oddly graceful self and she nudges Laura down a small, almost hidden pathway.  _

_  
_ _ “I totally trust you and all, but this is starting to get a little murdery,” Laura expresses and Carmilla chuckles lightly.  _ _  
_ _ “If I was planning on killing you, do you really think I’d do it this close to my house?” Carmilla asks and Laura huffs. _ _  
_ _ “I don’t know how people go about killing people, you might just do that. It’s not like anyone knows where I am right now,” Laura begins to ramble and Carmilla turns serious. _ _  
_ _ “Oh, well that changes my entire plan for the afternoon,”  _ _  
_ _ Laura looks at her with concern but Carmilla quickly breaks and begins to laugh, almost tripping on an exposed tree root.  _ _  
_ _ “Relax, Cupcake. I only take people to my murder spot on the second date,”  _ _  
_ _ “Oh, good. That makes me feel better. Wait, did you say date?” Laura splutters and Carmilla ignores her in favour of moving a tree branch out of the way.  _ _  
_ _ “Here we are,”  _

_  
_ _ Laura gasps as she takes in her surroundings, looking out at the pond in front of them. There are trees framing the water as if hiding its whereabouts from the rest of the world. Laura watches as a duck floats along the water gracefully, followed by her babies who are doing something closer to just bobbing along. She feels a sense of calm wash over her and whatever initial reservations she had about this place vanish.  _ _  
_ _ “It’s beautiful,” Laura murmurs and Carmilla smiles. _ _  
_ _ “Yeah, my dad used to bring me here when I was a kid. It was always my favourite place to be,”  _ _  
_ _ “Thank you for showing me this,” Laura smiles softly and Carmilla looks away to hide her smile.  _ _  
_ _ “It’s fine, it’s not a big deal,” Carmilla begins and Laura catches sight of something on the ground.  _

_  
_ _ “Carmilla, don’t move,” Laura breathes suddenly, staring down near Carmilla’s feet. _ _  
_ _ “Oh God, what is it and is it going to kill me?” Carmilla asks, already envisioning all of the things she could be about to step on that had every possibility of killing her. Laura moves carefully and reaches down, her hand closing around something and then straightening back up.  _

_  
_ _ “What are you doing? Put that down,” Carmilla hisses and her face falls blank when Laura opens up her hand and reveals a rock.  _ _  
_ _ “A rock? You just made me fear for my life over a premature fossil?” _ _  
_ _ “It’s not just a rock, it’s perfect for stone skipping. Look at how smooth it is, there’s such a nice surface area,” Laura begins to explain, slowly spinning the stone and marveling at it.  _ _  
_ _ “Are you having an aneurysm?” Carmilla deadpans and Laura looks at her incredulously.  _

 

_ “You’ve skipped rocks before, right?”  _ _  
_ _ “I’ve skipped classes, Cupcake. Not so much rocks though,” Carmilla drawls but looks down at her feet, not quite having it in her to meet Laura’s confused gaze.  _ _  
_ _ “Did you even have a childhood?” Laura asks in a joking tone but Carmilla finches and Laura tilts her head.  _ _  
_ _ “That’s a matter of opinion I suppose,” Carmilla mutters but she shakes her head to clear it and looks up at Laura.“Well, if this pebble pitching is so important to you, you’ll just have to teach me how to do it,”  _ _  
_ _ “Right, yeah totally,”  _

_  
_ _ Laura jumps into action and begins scanning the ground before snatching up two rocks that look pretty well similar to the one she’d stumbled on earlier. She hands one to Carmilla and walks over closer to the pond, lowering herself closer to the ground and holding her arm out at a 90-degree angle.  _ _  
_ _ “Okay, so you just get as close to the ground as you can,” Laura begins but scowls when she hears Carmilla mumble something that sounds remarkably like, ‘that shouldn’t be too difficult for you’.  _ _  
_ _ “And then you hold your arm out like this, and bring it through and out in front of you,” Laura continues, this time her tone a little more forced. Carmilla scoffs but begins to pay attention as she finishes off her demonstration. _

_  
_ _ “Once your arm reaches the full extension, flick your wrist and let go of the stone,” Laura grins as she completes the action and the stone sails out, skipping four times before sinking beneath the water.  _ _  
_ _ “Your turn,” _ _  
_ _ “Okay,” Carmilla breathes and tries to replicate Laura’s movements. The motion is awkward and fumbly, resulting in the stone flying out to drop below the surface with an unsatisfying plunk. Carmilla and Laura both cringe at the display and Laura looks down at the original stone still in her other hand. She almost looks as though the idea of this stone not having a perfect skip would actually be painful for her.  _

_  
_ _ “How about I help you with this one?” Laura suggests and before Carmilla can process what that means, Laura is moving up behind her and sliding the stone into her hand. Carmilla inhales sharply when she feels Laura pressing against her, nudging her left leg with her own to help her position it better.  _ _  
_ _ “Try to get a little closer,” Laura instructs, placing a hand on her hip and guiding her lower to the ground. Laura’s other hand slides back down Carmilla’s arm and moves it to the correct angle, guiding it gently by her wrist.  _ _  
_ _ “Loosen your hand a little,” Laura says, taking note when Carmilla shivers from the breath against her neck but does, in fact, loosen the death grip she’s got on the stone.  _ _  
_ _ “Now, give it another go,” _ _  
_ _ Carmilla goes through the motions again to much the same result, though she did get one skip and while Laura feels as though she lost an old friend with the untimely end of the stone, she is proud of Carmilla.  _

_  
_ _ “You kinda did it,” Laura offers and Carmilla turns around to face her, putting some space between them and rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly.  _ _  
_ _ “Yeah, maybe next time,”  _ _  
_ _ “Or the time after,” Laura smiles and Carmilla scoffs and shakes her head with a smile when she realizes Laura is teasing her.  _

_  
_ _ “Oh, hey. A tree,” Laura points out excitedly and heads over towards the tree she’d spotted.  _ _  
_ _ “Yes, that is a tree. That’s a pond, and that’s the sky. Isn’t learning fun?” Carmilla snarks and Laura rolls her eyes.  _ _  
_ _ “I know what a tree is, I just mean that we can climb it. I used to love climbing trees when I was little,”  _ _  
_ _ “Oh, so like yesterday?” Carmilla asks and Laura scowls at her but begins to climb the tree.  _ _  
_ _ “You are like, less than an inch taller than me,”  _ _  
_ _ “I get it, I get it. Someone so small is allowed to want to feel tall every now and then,” Carmilla placates, but a smirk forms as she walks over albeit slower than she would have liked.  _

_  
_ _ “I can’t hear you, I’m too high up,” Laura sing songs, knowing full well that’s she’s really only a few feets up at this point.  _ _  
_ _ “Not a familiar sensation for you, huh?” Carmilla retorts and Laura sighs.  _ _  
_ _ “Will you just get up here already so I can smack you?”  _ _  
_ _ “As enticing as that sounds, I’m just gonna stay down here,” Carmilla responds and Laura frowns. _ _  
_ _ “You sure? The view’s pretty great up here,”  _ _  
_ _ “My view’s pretty great too actually, but it’s fine. I’m perfectly happy with my height, I don’t need to be manufacturing extra feet like someone I know,” Carmilla grins as that sinks in as Laura does an odd combination of scowling and blushing.  _

_  
_ _ “If you think I can’t still reach you down there, you’ve got another thing coming,” Laura grumbles and begins moving amongst the branches. _ _  
_ _ “Oh, is that so?” Carmilla hums but against her first instinct, she doesn’t shriek when Laura leans down with her hand still gripped around a branch and does get quite close to her.  _ _  
_ _ “I’d say that is about so,” Laura responds in a smug tone, aware of just how close she is to Carmilla now.  _ _  
_ _ “You’re going to hurt yourself if you keep showing off like that,” Carmilla points out after swallowing.  _ _  
_ _ “Pfft, that’s not showing off. This is showing off,” Laura scoffs and lowers her body down so that now she’s just holding on with her arms and hanging down in front of Carmilla.  _ _  
_ _ “That is definitely something, you are apparently a lot stronger than I thought you were,”  _ _  
_ _ “Yeah, Krav Maga for a decade will do that, I even dabble in yoga every now and then,” Laura replies and completes a few chins ups for good measure before dropping down to the ground and landing very close to Carmilla indeed.  _

_  
_ _ “Good to know,” Carmilla breathes and brushes some hair that had fallen into Laura’s face away. _ _  
_ _ “So, homework?” Laura starts and Carmilla pulls back. _ _  
_ _ “Wait, what? No, that was just a cover for my mother. I don’t actually need the homework,” _ _  
_ _ “Nope, you’re getting the homework,” Laura replies adamantly.  _ _  
_ _ “Laura, no,” _ _  
_ _ “Laura, yes,”  _

_  
_ _ ~ _

_  
__“Good morning, Papa,” Laura says, walking into the kitchen and pausing when she sees that there isn’t any breakfast waiting._ _  
__  
__“Papa?” Laura calls again when she sees her father hunched at the table, head in his hands. He looks up this time, smiling before he spots her._ _  
__“Hey, Sweetie,”_ _  
__  
__“No breakfast today?” Laura asks, frowning at the strangeness of the situation. It was already strange enough that her mother hadn’t woken her up this morning like she usually did._ _  
__  
__“I’m sorry, Laura. I’ve just got a lot to think about right now, I’ll make you something,” Sherman sighs as he looks down at his daughter, trying not to think about just how much she resembles her mother._ _  
__  
__“It’s okay, I’ll just get Mama to do it. Where is she?” This seemingly innocent response warrants a pained look from her father and Laura is confused all over again._ _  
__  
__“Mama’s, uh. Mama’s gone, kiddo. She decided that she didn’t wanna be with us anymore,” Sherman chokes out and Laura’s face cracks._ _  
__“What? But she can’t just leave us, what am I gonna do without a Mom?”_ _  
__  
__Sherman opens his mouth to speak but instead just pulls Laura in and wraps his arms around her. Laura feels herself being enveloped by her father but her head is spinning and her eyes are being to water as the strangest feeling of loneliness she’s ever experienced sets in._ _  
__  
__“What did I do wrong? I must have done something,” Laura is muffled against her father’s chest, but he still hears her and squeezes tighter._ _  
__  
__“Listen to me, it’s not your fault, Laura. Please don’t ever think that you did something wrong, alright? Just because she left you, doesn’t mean you did anything wrong,” Sherman responds, attempting to console his daughter._ _  
__  
__All the while, Laura repeats her father’s words over and over again in her head until all that’s left is, ‘_ ** _it’s your fault she left you_** _,’._ _  
__  
_ Twelve years, it had been twelve years since her mother had left her. She was by no means over it, but at the very least Laura thought she had managed to bottle it up and push it down so that she could get on with her life.   
  
It had been so long ago, yet somehow, the moment that she sees Carmilla with tears in her eyes it all comes flooding back. The confusion, the sadness, and the all consuming fear that Laura might do the exact same thing.   
  
“Well, I guess that silence speaks volumes,” Carmilla mutters, her voice cracking as she looks away.  
  
“Carm,” Laura starts but Carmilla shakes her head and Laura stops.  
  
“It’s fine, Laura. My mother was right, I was a fool to think you could ever love me,”   
  
“No, Carm. It’s not that simple,” Laura tries to explain but Carmilla just slumps to the ground to lean her back against her bed.   
  
Laura runs her hands through her hair in frustration, her jaw locking and her throat feeling like it’s closing up as she tries to figure out a way to make this better. To make the panic swelling inside her stop, or at least to stop Carmilla crying.   
  
“Look, I can’t fall in love with you, okay? I don’t want all the pain that comes with it, and I don’t want you to have to go through it either,” Laura finally gets out, her chest burning as she lets the words spill out. She drops down to her knees beside Carmilla, trying to get the girl to acknowledge her.   
  
“I can’t fall in love with you because I know that the second I get scared I’ll hurt you. I have to push you away because if I don’t I’ll just hurt you more. Hurting people is all I’ve ever done, and it’s all I know how to do. I don’t know how to love you, but I don’t know how I could do anything else,” Laura’s voice shakes, her eyes threatening to spill tears as well.   
Carmilla finally lifts her gaze to look at her, eyes red but jaw set.   
“What are you so afraid of, Laura? What do you think I’m going to do? I love you,”   
  
“No, Carm. God, it’s nothing that you could ever do. It’s me, okay? It’s what I might do. I’m scared, no, I’m _fucking terrified_ that one day it’ll be too much for me and I’ll just leave. Just like my mom did,”   
  
Carmilla’s eyes widen in realization and she reaches out but Laura is too far gone. Her tears have long since begun to fall and she can’t seem to stop herself.   
  
“I was 6, Carm. I was 6 when I found out that I wasn’t good enough. For years, _years_ , I used to wake up and forget for a minute, I’d forget that she wasn’t there to wake me up. Every single birthday that went by, I kept expecting her to come back. After a while I accepted that sure, she wasn’t coming back, but I would still wait around for phonecalls or birthday cards. Every Mother’s Day I would try to call her, and yeah, most of the time she didn’t answer. But it was just so much worse when she did, because then all of the hope would come flooding back. It would all come flooding back because she _made_ it. She’d fill my head with empty promises, she’d tell me that she was sorry, and that she loved me. She’d tell me that she’d see me soon, but she never did,” As she says the words, she’s brought right back to all those times that she didn’t feel good enough. That she _wasn’t_ good enough. She feels Carmilla’s arms around her, and hot tears against her shoulder.   
  
“She’s never coming back, she’s not going to see me graduate. She won’t be there when I have kids, if I ever even have them. God, I know I won’t. I know I’d only end up doing the same thing and I wouldn’t ever forgive myself for it,”   
  
“Laura, I didn’t know,” Carmilla starts but Laura shakes off her arms and stands.  
“I’m sorry, Carmilla. I’m so sorry, but I can’t be here right now,”   
  
She doesn’t look back as she grabs her things and walks out, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to bear the look on Carmilla’s face.   
_  
__~_ _  
__  
__“Hey, you doing okay?”_ _  
__“Peachy,” Carmilla grunts as she slumps against her locker, not quite having it in her to turn around and face the cheery girl behind her._ _  
__“Sure seems like it,” Laura replies, the expression on her face blatantly insecure._ _  
__“What do you want, Cupcake?” Carmilla asks with a sigh, pushing herself to face the girl without actually breaking contact with her locker._

_  
_ _ “I just want to hang out, you’ve got a free period. I’ve got one too, I thought we could make an afternoon of it,” Laura reasons and Carmilla gives her an odd look.  _ _  
_ _ “Sure, I guess. Wait, how do you know what my class schedule looks like?”  _ _  
_ _ “It’s a funny story actually, probably not worth mentioning here though,” Laura shrugs it off, quite clearly lying but Carmilla simply shakes her head and waves her hand out in front of her.  _

_  
_ _ “Lead the way, I imagine you’ve already got this whole thing planned out,”  _ _  
_ _ “What? No, I’ve just put a little bit of thought into it is all,” Laura deflects, trying to make it sound as though she hadn’t spent the entirety of her last class thinking about this.  _ _  
_ _ To be honest, the amount of time she spent thinking up this plan of hers probably should have resulted is something a little more entertaining than an afternoon in the library. That being said, Laura had never been too great under pressure.  _

_  
_ _ “Your big plan for the afternoon is a trip to the library?” Carmilla asks, as if reading Laura’s mind.  _ _  
_ _ “I happen to like the library, thank you. I thought it might be nice to bring you along, though you’re entirely welcome to leave if you’d like,” Laura replies with a faux indifference and Carmilla immediately changes her tune.  _

_  
_ _ “I suppose there is a certain homeliness about the place,” Carmilla looks at up at the shelves on either side of them. Considering her position on the ground though, Laura can’t imagine Carmilla can actually read many of the titles. One particular title apparently captures her attention and she actually lets out a gasp before shuffling over to grab a book from the shelf.  _ _  
_ _ “Oh my God, they actually made a Twilight graphic novel. Look at the Cullen twerp, they actually managed to make him sparkle more than they did in the movie. Get a load of those eyes, what human has eyes that bright? Besides you of course,” Carmilla begins to make comment on the book but Laura is too busy ducking her head at the fact that Carmilla most definitely just gave her a compliment. Quite a nice one at that, to be honest, Laura’s not even sure if Carmilla realized. Upon further inspection though, Carmilla has a slight tinge of red on her cheeks and Laura grins, only furthering the girl’s embarrassment.  _

_  
_ _ “You like my eyes, huh?” _ _  
_ _ “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Help me do a dramatic reading, I can’t do it justice on my own, this thing is so bad,”  _ _  
_ _ Laura smiles and shakes her head, but scoots closer to Carmilla so that she can read the page too as Carmilla begins to read another line.  _

_  
_ _ ~ _

_  
_ _ “I suppose all of this time you’ve been spending away is to visit this Hollis girl?” Lilita asks, a tone of boredom colouring her voice.  _ _  
_ _ “Yes, Maman,” Carmilla replies, unsure as to why her mother is asking questions she likely already knows the answers to.  _ _  
_ _ “I see, well I’m hardly surprised. She is a pretty, little thing,” Lilita comments and Carmilla frowns.  _ _  
_ _ “Have I done something wrong, Mother?”  _ _  
_ _ “No, not as of yet. In fact, that’s why we’re having this little chat. I think it’s time you cease your little endeavours with Miss Hollis,” Lilita waves her hand as if to dismiss the conversation but Carmilla steps back in surprise. _ _  
_ _ “What?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “There’s no point continuing these silly, little games. It would be in your best interest to cut the matter off at the head, so to speak,” Lilita arches her eyebrow, apparently annoyed at having to explain herself.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Laura’s not a snake, she’s my, friend. She’s my friend,” Carmilla stumbles slightly and her mother latches onto it, enjoyment sparking across her features.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, no. You’ve fallen in love with her. Haven’t you, my darling girl?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Carmilla opens her mouth to speak but closes it again when her mother smiles.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you really think she cares about you? She’s nothing, and she won’t ever love you,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She’s  _ **_not_ ** _ nothing,” Carmilla grits her teeth, staring down at the ground to steel herself.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “She’s got your head all twisted in knots, hasn’t she? There’s no point dwelling, dear. She is nothing, and you are a diamond. Stone cannot love flesh,” Lilita reaches out her hand to stroke Carmilla’s face as she speaks, reveling in the way she flinches.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re wrong, Mother,” Carmilla speaks and Lilita ceases her movement.  _ _  
_ _ “Oh, darling. I didn’t want to have to do this today, but I do only want what’s best for you. If I have to beat this little rebellion out of you, then so be it,” Lilita replies, stroking her face once more before beginning far more brutal means.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ “Carm? Are you okay?”    
  
“You shouldn’t be here, Laura,” Carmilla states in a defeated voice. Laura sees the girl hunched over and favouring her right side, wincing at the obvious pain her girlfriend is in.    
  
“I know your mom isn’t home, her car isn’t in the driveway,” Laura replies and walks over to Carmilla’s bed. The girl shies away from her touch and Laura sighs before moving into Carmilla’s pointed stare at the wall.    
  
“Carm, don’t do that. Don’t try and shut me out,” Laura tries again to get Carmilla to respond but she instead retreats further away.    
  
“After everything, do you really think that the bruises are going to scare me away? Please let me see, I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Laura’s eyes scan over the areas of exposed skin, but unsurprisingly there aren't any visible marks to be found. No, there’s never any visible marks. Carmilla’s mother is too methodical for that.    
  
“I’m fine, Laura. Just leave me alone,” Carmilla grits her teeth as she shifts the wrong way and feels pain pulsing through her side.    
  
“Prove it, show me you’re fine, and I’ll leave,” Laura responds with a quirk of her eyebrow and Carmilla’s jaw tenses before she looks away again in defeat.    
“That’s what I thought, now show me. Please?”    
  
Carmilla leans back on her good side and lifts her shirt slowly, being sure to avert her eyes from the marks that she’s already spent entirely too long staring at.    
  
Laura lets out a soft gasp at the discolouration of Carmilla’s torso, the angry purple and red of the bruises patching her skin enough to make Laura want to wave her hands and just wish it all away. She doesn’t doubt that this is the worst she’s seen so far, and it just begs the question. What had Carmilla done to warrant this? Or more correctly, what had Lilita used as an excuse?    
  
“Why? Why did she do this to you?” Laura whispers and lightly grasps Carmilla’s hand, encouraging her to pull her shirt back down. Carmilla scoffs bitterly and looks away before meeting Laura’s gaze.    
“You,”    
  
“What?” Laura’s eyes widen at the implication that Carmilla had been beaten because of her.    
  
“My mother was saying some unsettling things about you and I stood up for you. I didn’t just sit back and take it, I couldn’t. Suffice to say, she wasn’t particularly fond of that. All for my own good though, as far as she’s concerned,”    
  
“What can I do to help? Do you want an ice pack?” Laura’s mind kicks into overdrive, trying to come up with some semblance of a plan to help her girlfriend.   
  
“No, I don’t want an ice pack. I just want this to all be over, I want to be able to live my life and love who I want to love without my mother beating the living shit out of me every other week,” Carmilla says and Laura flinches at her use of the word ‘love’. No, not the word exactly. She flinches at the memory of the last time Carmilla said that to her, and at how she reacted. If she was honest, Laura wasn’t sure if she’d ever actually be okay with the heartache she’d put Carmilla through that night.    
  
“Carm, I think that maybe you should talk to my dad about what’s been happening. You know he’s a good cop, he could help you,” Laura starts but Carmilla turns to look at her.   
“I don’t need help, I’m fine,”    
  
“You’re not fine, Carm. Look at yourself, look what she’s done to you,” Laura argues and Carmilla looks away again.   
“I’m here to help you, Carmilla. I can’t do that if you won’t let me,” Laura continues and but Carmilla stops her.    
“I never asked for you to be here,”    
  
“Maybe not, but I am. Now for once, can you please stop pretending like you’re okay and just talk to me?!” Laura exclaims and Carmilla turns to look her in the arm.    
  
“I am talking to you, Laura,” Carmilla states and Laura shakes her head.   
“No, you’re acting like a coward,”    
  
Carmilla stops and Laura immediately regrets her words, already trying to take them back.    
“How am I the coward, Laura?! I’m not the run that practically ran away when I said I loved you!”    
  
“Look, I know you’re hurting but that’s different,” Laura says quietly, eyes stinging.    
  
“Is it? Jesus, Laura. Every day,  _ every day _ I need you more, but you keep pushing me away. I know that you have this fixation on protecting yourself and your feelings, but what about me? What am I supposed to do when the girl I love is too afraid to love me back?” Carmilla is angry, but she doesn't know if it’s at Laura or at herself.    
  
“Carm,” Laura begins but Carmilla continues.   
“You can’t keep hurting me to make yourself feel better. I can take a lot but I have limits,”   
  
“What do you want from me, Carmilla? I don’t know what to do to make this all better,” Laura sighs and Carmilla scoffs.    
“Just go away, Laura. Run, I know that’s what you want to do,”    
  
Unsure of what else to do right now, Laura does just that. It’s Carmilla that can’t look her in the eye as she leaves though. As Laura closes the door, Carmilla slumps in on herself, wondering how this whole thing could be so difficult. She’d always believed that when she fell in love, everything would be okay. No matter what circumstance she might be in, at least she’d have someone to hold her through it all. Now, she wasn’t so sure. She was certain of her feelings for Laura, but she just couldn’t understand how to stop her whole world from crumbling beneath her.    
  
_ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carmilla, I know you’re walking that fast on purpose,” Laura huffs, growing entirely sick of the repetitive clicks of her crutches hitting the ground as Carmilla all but prances around in front of her.  _ _  
_ _ “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Hop-along,” Carmilla chirps, gaining great satisfaction from this whole thing.  _ _  
_ _ “I told you to stop calling me that, you jerk,” Laura growls and continues on down the hallway after Carmilla.  _ _  
_ _ “What else am I supposed to call you? You’ve already expressed your dislike of the other names I came up with. Which were quite creative, might I add,” Carmilla calls back, and Laura loses her focus for a moment and puts weight on her injured ankle, causing pain to throb up her leg.  _

_  
_ _ “Those names were borderline offensive,” Laura grits her teeth at the pain and stops to let it settle again.  _ _  
_ _ “Yes well, while I don’t doubt your pain is enough punishment as it is, I feel as though I’d be doing the world a disservice if I didn’t mock the girl that was silly enough to try lifting a punching bag with just her ankle,” Carmilla’s voice softens when she sees that Laura is hurting again.  _

_  
_ _ “That’s not what happened, well, that’s not not what happened. It was a lapse in judgement, okay?” Laura huffs, remembering just how she’d injured herself in the first place.  _

_  
_ _ She’d been in the process of hooking up her punching bag, in a spot that was different than the usual one and it did provide new obstacles, so to speak. She’d had the bag balancing on her leg so she could fasten it to one of the steps of the staircase outside her front door.  _

 

_ Given her small stature, Laura couldn’t quite get the bag high enough the way she’d had it, so she elected to elevate it just that little bit higher by using her foot to lift it. She’d also done the same thing to get the bag back down again, both of which were apparently very bad ideas.  _

_  
_ _ Funnily enough, it had taken her about two days to realize that her oddly sore ankle was in fact sprained. It had taken her a few more days, and one extremely painful night to realize that her injury was going to be hanging around for a little while yet.  _

_  
_ _ Despite the ridicule Carmilla insisted on dishing out, Laura knew she was aware of just how difficult this was for her. Laura had been up to the recommended maximum dose of painkillers and on the verge of tears by the time she called Carmilla to come over. It didn’t seem to matter at all to Carmilla that it was verging on one in the morning, she’d snuck out to go be with Laura without hesitation.  _

_  
_ _ By the time Carmilla got there, Laura was well and truly sobbing from a combination of pain, frustration and sleep deprivation, and all Carmilla could really do was get into bed and hold the girl as she cried.  _ _  
_ _ “I’m sorry, Carm. It just hurts so much, and I can’t sleep and I’m so tired. I just didn’t know what else to do, and I really don’t want to be alone right now,”  _

_  
_ _ Doing her best to soothe her until she eventually fell asleep, Carmilla soon joined her and she woke up the next morning to a sheepish, but happier Laura. The pain had significantly lessened the next morning, and the two spent the rest of the day alternating between icing Laura’s ankle, hobbling around every now and then to keep the blood flowing, and watching movies on Netflix.  _

_  
_ _ ~ _

 

_ “Carmilla,”  _ _  
_ _ “Please, God no. I’m not ready yet, I’ve got so much left to do on this earth,” Carmilla groans as a bright light blinds her. She tries to bury herself beneath the covers, but this proves to be difficult when she decides that opening her eyes again is simply not an option. The only downside to spending the night at Laura’s it would seem, was that Carmilla couldn’t just turn the room into a dungeon and sleep to her heart’s content. She supposed that some little sacrifices could be made here and there.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh my God, I literally just opened the curtains. The heavens aren’t about to smite you down,” Laura rolls her eyes and Carmilla rolls onto her back to point at her. _ _  
_ _ “You don’t know that, I could be speaking my final words at this very second,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura begins to roll her eyes again but stops halfway to stare at the ceiling instead.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “How’d you feel then, huh? I bet you’d feel pretty bad about doubting me,” Carmilla continues and Laura sighs before looking back down.  _ _  
_ _ “I’m hungry, and I’d very much like to fix that problem,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, so that’s why you woke me up at this ungodly hour. A little friskier from you than I would have thought, but I can roll with it,” Carmilla wiggles her eyebrows and Laura straightens up with a glare. _ _  
_ _ “Food, Carmilla. I was talking about food,” _ _  
_ _ “Sure you were, that’s cool too,”  _ _  
_ _ “Also, this ‘ungodly hour’ you speak of is 2 pm,” Laura points out and Carmilla looks serious for a moment.  _ _  
_ _ “Exactly, I may need to visit a church to cleanse myself properly,”   _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “How can you even still be tired? We went to bed at the same time,” Laura wonders aloud and Carmilla raises an eyebrow. _ _  
_ _ “Yeah, funny that. I guess I’m just not a morning person,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Or an afternoon person, apparently,” Laura retorts and gestures to where Carmilla is still settled on the bed.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “So we’re in agreement,” Carmilla says before rolling back over and attempting to bury her face in her pillow.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carmilla,” _ _  
_ _ “Alright, fine. We’ll go get some food,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _

_  
_ _ “So, Carmilla, Laura’s told me a lot about you. Granted the things are a lot nicer nowadays, she used to be a lot more colourful about it. I really don’t know where she got such a potty mouth,” Sherman begins, though she seems to derail his own train of thought rather quickly. _ _  
_ _ “Dad!” Laura exclaims, flushing red as Carmilla tries to hide her signature smirk.  _

_  
_ _ “I mean, uh, there has been nothing said about you? Nope, not one word in this house,” Sherman amends, albeit poorly and holds his hands up at his daughter in confused surrender.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You know, I understand completely, Mr Hollis. Honestly, some of the things that come out of her mouth just never cease to baffle me,” Carmilla exaggerates her tone with a shake of her head before cracking a giant small as Laura peels her hand away from her own face to glare daggers at Carmilla.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, I like her,” Sherman points his fork at Carmilla with a smile on his face as she looks at his daughter, and then back to Carmilla, “You can call me Sherman,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Seemingly caught in his own sentence, Sherman manages to miss that Laura has a death grip on her knife, and Carmilla notices as much, blowing her a kiss. Surprisingly enough, Laura manages to put down her knife of her own accord in favour of taking a sip from her water. Which in itself was really just a testament to her own will power, or her own reservations about murdering her bestfriend/girlfriend, more specifically, the amount of effort she’d have to put in to get away with it. There were certain benefits to being the daughter of a cop, and to obsessively watching the entirety of both Veronica Mars, and Dexter.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “All verbal concerns aside, I can tell you that she is exceptional when it comes to physical prowess,” Carmilla comments and Laura chokes on her water, simultaneously struggling to breathe, and planning out the exact location in which she was going to dispose of the murder weapon. Sherman frowns at his daughter, reaching over to rub her gently as Carmilla reaches out to do the same thing. They share a shrug and an amused look before Sherman continues the conversation. _ _  
_ _ “How so?”  _ _  
_ _ “She’s been getting me to work out with her, which is a feat in itself, because I am very far from a fan of exercise,” Carmilla explains with an innocent tone in her voice, but a smile that says entirely otherwise.  _ _  
_ _ “And then, of course, there are her tree climbing skills, really works the under body strength, you know. Good for the soul,”   _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Having recovered from her coughing fit, Laura mouths, ‘I will kill you,’ but when Carmilla makes mention of the tree her eyes widen before falling closed with a pained expression. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Tree climbing?!” Sherman asks, his voice rising in concern as Laura drops her head onto the table with a groan. Carmilla’s smile drops and she pulls back from the table, realizing that that may not have been the best thing to say given how overprotective Laura’s dad is. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Laura, we’ve been over this so many times. Trees are not safe, you could fall and hurt yourself. You could get hit by a falling branch, and heaven forbid you get stuck out in a storm. You might as well just paint a target on your back for the next lightning bolt that rolls around,” Sherman rants and Carmilla reaches over to squeeze Laura’s hand, mouthing, ‘I’m sorry’ with a sympathetic look.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carmilla,” _ _  
_ _ “What? I’m awake, I’m so awake that sleep is afraid of me,” Carmilla blurts out and her head shoots back up from the table. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Sure you are, only someone so awake would be at risk of drowning in their own drool patch,” Laura replies and nods down to the admittedly large wet patch on Carmilla’s sleeve. The girl in questions grumbles and elects to use her other sleeve to wipe the excess drool from her face.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Could be worse, I could have puked everywhere,” _ _  
_ _ “Oh no, that’s definitely what you should do. Just projectile vomit, everywhere. Pitch Perfect style,” Laura smiles and nods as Carmilla rolls her eyes before fighting back a yawn.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What’s going on with you anyway? It’s almost like you’re sleep deprived,” Laura frowns as she chews on her fork lightly. _ _  
_ _ “Me? Sleep deprived? Please, sleep is merely an underling at this point,” Carmilla scoffs, brushing off the question and ignoring how blatantly true Laura’s statement was. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ It was hardly Carmilla’s fault that she was a very gay, somewhat functional human with a working set of eyes and hands. The fact that Laura was also a very gay, and very attractive human, that was quite the cuddler is her sleep simply wasn’t fair. Every night that Laura slept over was another night that Carmilla questioned her sanity and counted the hours that sleep chose to evade her, and her imagination ran rampant.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You know, you don’t have to help me study. You can take a nap, I’ll just be here,” Laura offers and Carmilla looks over to the bed already making her mind up.  _ _  
_ _ “I mean, it’s not like you really need the help. You’re second in the class by a long shot, and no amount of tutoring would really ever help you top me,” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Laura mutters under her breath, her thoughts straying quite a bit from studying.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hmm?” Carmilla tilts her head, not quite sure if she heard Laura correctly. _ _  
_ _ “I said, ‘rude, try not to drool on my pillow’,” Laura replies and Carmilla raises a brow but opts to go and collapse on Laura’s bed, cuddling up tp Laura's yellow pillow for some much-needed nap times.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She wakes again shortly after to find Laura asleep next to her, and while she would very much like to stay here bundled up with Laura, she’s dying for a drink of water. With as much care as she can, Carmilla untangles herself from the bed and walks out to the kitchen.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She begins to fill a glass from the water bottle in the fridge and begins to hum quietly to herself, having woken up with a song stuck in her head. Carmilla takes a seat at the kitchen counter and begins to sing quietly to herself.   _ _  
_ _  
_ **_“So when your hope's on fire_ ** **_  
_ ** **_But you know your desire_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Don't hold a glass over the flame_ ** **_  
_ ** **_Don't let your heart grow cold_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I will call you by name_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I will share your road,”_ ** **_  
_ ** _  
_ _ Carmilla finds herself caught in the song and doesn’t notice that Laura has joined her in the kitchen until Laura begins to belt out the lyrics, terribly off key but with a smile on her face.  _ _  
_ _  
_ **_“But hold me fast, Hold me fast_ ** **_  
_ ** **_'Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer_ ** **_  
_ ** **_And hold me fast, Hold me fast,”_ ** **_  
_ ** _  
_ _ “Good God, Laura. I need my ears to function,” Carmilla startles and holds a hand up to her ear. Carmilla just shakes her head when she realizes that Laura is taking another breath to continue singing and just decides to join in.  _ _  
_ _  
_ **_“Cause I'm a hopeless wanderer_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under_ ** **_  
_ ** **_I will learn, I will learn to love the skies I'm under_ ** **_  
_ ** **_The skies I'm under,”_ ** **_  
_ ** _  
_ _ “Have you always been that bad at singing?” Carmilla asks, poking Laura lightly in the stomach.  _ _  
_ _ “Oh God, no. I’m a much better singer than that, I just find it a lot more fun that way,” Laura explains with a smile as Carmilla tilts her head in amusement.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You should see Dad when he gets going though, oh boy. There are just some things you can’t fake, my father’s musical ineptitude is one of them,” Laura says with a far off look, almost as if reliving old memories. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Right, well this has been enlightening,” Carmilla starts but the mischievous look in Laura's eye has her worried.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m glad you think so, cause I’m gonna crank the surround sound and we’re jumping on the T-Swizzle train,”   _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh no,” Carmilla groans and begins plotting an escape route. _ _  
_ _ “Oh, yes,” Laura confirms and grabs her by the hands before she has the chance to make a break for it. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _

_  
_ _ “Laura, Laura, hey. Wake up,” _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura’s eyes fly open as she’s shaken awake and there’s a flash of surprise on her face when she looks up to see Carmilla above her. _ _  
_ _ “What?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You were having a nightmare,” Carmilla answers, taken back at Laura’s reaction to being woken up. To be honest, from the amount of distress that Laura had seemed to be in, it just really wasn’t making a lot of sense as to why Laura almost seemed to be angry. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh,” Laura replies, running a hand through her hand, “thanks, I guess,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Are you okay?” Carmilla asks, concerned at Laura’s behaviour.  _ _  
_ _ “I’m fine, I’m just not used to people waking me up,” Laura responds. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ It certainly wasn’t a lie, she was not at all used to being woken by anything other than her alarm clock, or general disturbances from the outside world. Even her father knew better than to wake her up, enough mornings of Laura breaking down when she realized it wasn’t her mother had taught him that lesson.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ It wasn’t so much that she was mad at Carmilla for waking her up, it’s not like she could have known, and she was apparently having a nightmare after all. No, Laura was simply going through the motions of suppressing all of the emotions she connected with her mother. Her process for doing which however, was not something that others were ever around for, for good reason.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ At the very least, Laura was lucky that today wasn’t one of her bad days, more times than she cared to remember, Laura had woken herself up, tears streaming down her face and pooling uncomfortably in her ears. Laura always cursed her overactive imagination, because when she succumbed to a nightmare, it was almost always vivid and emotionally taxing. They usually featured her mother, and sometimes her father, dying in colourful and equally terrible ways, but the ones that affected her the most was when her brain conjured up new ways for her mother to abandon her all over again. She’d heard about other people’s recurring dreams about snakes or spiders, or bees. No, Laura definitely didn’t luck out when it came to dreams.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, okay. I, uh. I’m sorry I guess, I just saw you were moving around a lot and making noises. I didn’t think you’d want to be stuck there any longer than you needed to be,” Carmilla tries to explain herself, unsure of how to do so when Laura had so suddenly gone cold.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura raises a brow as she contemplates what she wants to say, but everything that comes to mind was either unnecessary, or entirely too personal to bring to light when she was already feeling this raw. After a moment, Laura settles for the only real course of action at this point.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It’s fine, Carmilla. Just, don’t do it again,” Laura sighs as she rolls onto her side and closes her eyes again.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re sure you want to do this? We can totally go back downstairs and watch terrible horror movies on Netflix. I just really don’t want you to think that I’m trying to pressure you into anything,” Carmilla asks, holding herself up on her arms, not really noticing the fond smile forming on Laura’s face beneath her.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carm, relax. It’s okay, as much as I enjoy Netflix, my hormones are very much telling me to get on with the Chill part of the equation,” Laura responds, leaning up to kiss Carmilla. Before she can sink into the kiss, Carmilla pulls back.  _ _  
_ _ “Wait, this isn’t just a hormone thing, right?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carm, it’s okay. I promise, I want this,” Laura reassures Carmilla and the girl nods before leaning down to kiss her again. Laura hums in enjoyment but decides that the situation needs a little switching up, so to speak. She places her hands on Carmilla’s hips and switches their positions so that Carmilla is breathless and looking up at her from her back.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Sorry, it’s just that this is more like how I thought this would go down,” Laura explains and Carmilla smirks.  _ _  
_ _ “You’ve thought about this then?”  _ _  
_ _ “Oh definitely, there’s been a whole lot of thought for this particular activity,” Laura responds, leaning down and nipping lightly at Carmilla’s neck.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Then, by all means, don’t let me stop you,” Carmilla grins, digging her nails into Laura’s partially exposed back as she hits a particularly sensitive spot.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Honestly, the fact that this was even happening right now was blowing Carmilla’s mind. A few minutes ago they’d just been having one of their silly little fights, not even what most would consider a fight. They had found that if they had disagreements about little things that weren’t actually relevant, it stopped them from fighting about things that might actually cause problems. One point of debate they’d had was how they drank their tea, with Carmilla preferring it with cream, sugar, and milk, and Laura being absolutely appalled by the notion.  _

 

_ Another about the fact that Carmilla loved corn, while Laura despised it in any situation outside of popcorn. That one was truly a turning point in their friendship, they still shook their heads at one another every now and then. This one in particular, had involved the layout of Laura’s house, specifically which could be considered the front door, and which was considered the back door. Laura had been adamant on which was which, and Carmilla was more than content to simply oppose everything that Laura had said.  _

 

_ At one point, Carmilla was pretty sure Laura was contemplating just never letting Carmilla in her house again. That was also right around the time that Laura may or may not have half heartedly tried to smother Carmilla with a pillow, and once the pillow had been removed, Carmilla realized that Laura was indeed straddling her, while Laura realized that Carmilla looked absolutely gorgeous when she was flushed and smiling.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Unsurprisingly, one kiss had turned into another, and then making out, and then awkward fumbling of trying to remove each other's clothing at the exact same time. Carmilla is brought back to reality when she feels Laura’s hands unbuttoning her jeans, and her attention is once again fixed on the girl giving her a look so sinful and full of anticipation that her mouth goes dry. Even if Carmilla could muster words right now, she wouldn’t want to on the chance that Laura might stop what she was doing.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ By the time Laura has Carmilla completely bare, she’s just about falling apart at the seams and she stops to count her lucky stars, savouring this moment for as long as she can.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura begins to touch her, her hands and tongue displaying a level of skill that Carmilla found evoked a feeling of pleasure that she could barely comprehend, let alone describe. In any embarrassingly short time, Carmilla is tugging Laura’s hair in her hands and falling apart with Laura’s name on her lips.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ The girl in question slowly raises back up to look at Carmilla, a smug grin adorning her face while Carmilla is busy trying to hide her own.  _ _  
_ _ “Well, that didn’t take very long,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shut up, it’s been awhile,” Carmilla grumbles, her face flushing redder than she already was.  _ _  
_ _ “Okay, okay. I mean, it could also just be that I’m like super talented. Like, I feel I could really add that one to my next job application, ‘Can get Carmilla Karnstein off in under a minute,’. File it under special skills, you know,” Laura responds and Carmilla turns over, burying her face in her pillow.  _ _  
_ _ “Keep going and I’ll be the only one getting an orgasm tonight,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Forgive me, Your Majesty. Should I address you by, ‘Highness’, or ‘Princess of the Pillows’? I live only to serve,” Laura gasps before going into a full bout of mockery and Carmilla growls before flipping back over and pinning the girl down.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Right, that’s enough of that. I am not a Pillow Princess,” Carmilla exclaims, resting her hand on Laura’s hip and challenging her with a raise of her brow.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Whatever you say, Your Grace,” Laura nods her head with a filthy grin, and Carmilla shakes her head.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re such an asshole,” Carmilla laughs as she dips her hand underneath Laura’s waistband, taking great satisfaction when Laura’s smirk falls away in favour of a quiet gasp. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Carmilla, where’s the emergency stash?” Will bellows, hand smacking against the door and startling both Carmilla and Laura out of their blissful napping.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shit, if he sees us here like this he’ll rat us out to Mother for sure,” Carmilla whispers quickly as Laura begins to panic as well. They both quickly begin searching for a place to hide Laura and their gazes catch on the closet door at the same time.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “No,” Laura starts but Carmilla shoves her into motion, and a very naked, now scowling Laura runs for the closet. She makes it in and closes the door just as Will decides to forgo knocking and open the door. Carmilla had fortunately already pulled the sheet up to cover herself and Will looks at her skeptically. _ _  
_ _ “Why are you naked?” _ _  
_ _ “I sleep naked, now what do you want?” Carmilla answers quickly, but she most certainly does not have to fake the annoyance in her voice.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Ew, I’m glad I knocked first,” Will wrinkles his nose in disgust and Carmilla rolls her eyes, waving her hand to tell him to get on with it. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Whatever, Mom moved the emergency cash fund, do you know where it is?” Will crosses his arms, his impatience prevalent on his face.  _ _  
_ _ “She moved it because you drain it all the time and don’t seem to pay attention to the ‘emergency’ part,” Carmilla retorts and Will rolls his eyes at her. _ _  
_ _ “Do you know where it is or not, Kitty?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Of course I do, what do you need it for?” Carmilla asks and Will arches a brow. _ _  
_ _ “My friends wanna go out for pizza, so I need some cash,”  _ _  
_ _ “And you can’t use your own money? God knows we’ve both got enough of it,” Carmilla scoffs and Will smirks. _ _  
_ _ “Why would I use my own money when I can use Mom’s?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Carmilla sighs but uses one hand to make sure her sheet stays up, and reaches over to her bedside table with the other to grab her wallet. She pulls out a $20 note and holds it out in front of her. Will grins and walks over to pluck the note out of her hand.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Now beat it, you little weasel,”  _ _  
_ _ “You know, you should really clean your room more. There are clothes everywhere,” Will comments but does as he’s told and leaves. Will swings the door shut behind him and Carmilla listens for the sound of his footsteps to fade away. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You can come out of the closet now,” Carmilla calls out, thoroughly enjoying her own joke, Laura does so and she still has a scowl on her face. _ _  
_ _ “Oh shut it, you were just waiting to make that joke,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “What can I say? If you don’t find that funny you just don’t understand comedy,” Carmilla replies and as Laura tries to get back into bed and under the covers, Carmilla bites her lip to stifle her smile and she ever so gently pulls the blanket further away. Laura realizes what Carmilla is doing and glares at her, trying with a little more effort to procure a portion of the blanket.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Eventually Carmilla just ends up dropping the blanket over the side of the bed with an innocent look on her face. _ _  
_ _ “Whoops,” _ _  
_ _ “Really?!” Laura exclaims and Carmilla shrugs.  _ _  
_ _ “What? Have you seen you? It really should be a crime to keep a work of art covered,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura rolls her eyes but blushes at the compliment, moving over to lean over Carmilla and pick the blanket up.  _ _  
_ _ “You’re such a jerk,” Laura grumbles, settling the blanket over the two of them and cuddling up to Carmilla’s side, pressing a light kiss to her neck before closing her eyes again.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Just leave me here to die, do it. There’s no hope for me, I promise I won’t hold it against you,” Carmilla declares, chest heaving as she sprawls out on the floor.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It’s 15 sit-ups, Carm. You literally haven’t even finished working out yet, you still need to do three more exercises, and three more sit ups,” Laura replies as she watches Carmilla doing what can only be an attempt to melt into the floor.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I’m sorry that my usual workout consists of picking up lots of heavy books and reading them. We can’t all be blessed with unnatural physical prowess, Miss I-Can-Adjust-My-Hair-With-A-Smile-Mid-Sit-Up,” Carmilla snarks, but she does reposition herself to struggle through the last three sit-ups.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Alright, time for crunches,” Laura announces and gets into position herself as Carmilla groans.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, relax. There’s only five of them,” Laura continues, completing the crunches with ease, as if that was going to make it any easier for Carmilla. In fact, she’s trying not to ogle Laura as she completes the exercise that had been making her muscles so very pronounced beneath her skin that Carmilla very nearly had to sit on her hands to keep from reaching out to touch them.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Your turn,” Laura chirps and Carmilla falls onto her back from where she had been curled up watching.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I swear you get some sort of sick satisfaction out of this, Sweetheart,” Carmilla grunts as she begins her exercise, glad that Laura is helping to hold her feet down to stop her from ending up like a weird, broody see-saw.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, I do. You know what’s even more satisfying though?” Laura asks, but given how much apparent satisfaction there was flying around and evading Carmilla currently, she opts out.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Leg Raises,” Laura continues, apparently undeterred by Carmilla’s lack of response. She begins the exercise and quickly smashes out five leg raises before Carmilla can even muster the energy to hold her arm out the help guide Laura’s motions. Laura sits up and nods encouragingly for Carmilla to start, the girl in question just lays down on the ground without actually attempting to raise anything other than the bar of her own laziness. Laura rolls her eyes and pokes Carmilla in the side, prompting her to start.  _ _  
_ _ “Fine, fine. I’ll do the stupid leg raises,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ She does, more or less. Laura had apparently taken to raising her arm a little past shoulder height as extra motivation, so Carmilla does have to work that little bit harder towards the end.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Now for my favourite part,” Laura begins and Carmilla groans. _ _  
_ _ ‘Don’t say ‘plank’,”  _ _  
_ _ “Plank,”  _ _  
_ _ “Ugghhh,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “It’s fine, Carm. It’s only ten seconds,” Laura placates and Carmilla glares at her. _ _  
_ _ “You keep saying, ‘only’, as if that makes it any better,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura shakes her head with a smile and holds herself up, trusting that despite her grumbling, Carmilla already has the stopwatch on her phone ready. Laura completes her plank with barely a hair out of place, while at the end of her own, Carmilla looks like the winner of Hades’ Next Top Model. The bright point of the ordeal though, is that Carmilla is finished her workout, while Laura still has an entire arm workout to go. She settles in to enjoy the show as Laura, who she still isn’t completely convinced isn’t some sort of God, completes exercise after exercise. The hardest part for Carmilla now, it would seem, is just making sure she isn’t visibly drooling. The slight trace of a smirk on Laura’s face though suggests that Carmilla isn’t doing such a bang up job of being subtle but at this point, she can’t imagine Laura really minds.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Hah, I think I found it,” Carmilla exclaims, staring intently at her phone.  _ _  
_ _ “Found what?” Laura asks, startled from Carmilla’s sudden outburst.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “The cookie recipe I used to make, I haven’t been able to find it in ages,” Carmilla replies, already up and moving towards the kitchen. Which isn’t difficult given that Laura’s house only has one story. With an open layout, two bedrooms, a bathroom and a solid 10 feet from the ground, Laura’s father had deemed that this house would be the easiest to secure. Laura didn’t really see the point in arguing given that her father was working most nights anyway. She decided it was easier to just let him have his overprotective sense of security, if anything it just meant she had a lot more freedom when he wasn’t home. It did tend to get a little lonely at times, but that feeling was eased exponentially whenever Carmilla was around.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ At this point in their friendship, Carmilla knew her way around the house and that she was more than welcome to help herself whenever she stayed over. Now was apparently one of those times, because as Laura watched, Carmilla began to procure ingredients from the fridge and cupboard in order to begin creating what Laura can only assume is these elusive cookies of hers.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ It really only takes Carmilla a few minutes to add the correct measurements to the mixing bowl, and much to Laura’s delight, she sees that Carmilla has chosen to place both chocolate chips, and mini marshmallows into the mix. As Carmilla is retrieving the melted butter from the microwave, Laura sneaks a large handful of mini marshmallows from the unguarded bag and into her mouth.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I know exactly what you’re doing,” Carmilla announces without looking up from where she is stirring the liquid to melt the last few chunks.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Laura mumble with her mouth full, as Carmilla smiles. _ _  
_ _ “I believe this is the part where you say, ‘Chubby Bunny’,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura scoffs but manages to swallow the mouthful as Carmilla begins whisking an egg into the melted butter and pouring them both into the bowl. She quickly combines the cookie dough and hands the spoon over to Laura to lick clean as she washes her hands and prepares to start putting the mixture onto the tray.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You know you can just use two spoons to do that, that way you don’t get it on your hands,” Laura points out, thoroughly invested in the cookie dough Carmilla was about to start placing on the tray. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, thank you for that input. Would you mind not Backseat Baking by any chance? I’ve been making these things for years,” Carmilla responds, looking Laura in the eye as she plunges her hand into the dough.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “But you’re not gonna get an even spread if you do it that way,” Laura tries to reason and Carmilla arches an eyebrow and allows a large chunk of the mixture to plonk onto the tray.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Is it a bit chilly in the backseat? You don’t seem to want to stay there,” Carmilla responds in a high tone, continuing to manipulate the sticky dough until the tray is full.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Fine, fine, I’ll let you do it your way,” Laura relents and Carmilla grins.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Good, now can you please help me turn the tap on?” Carmilla holds her dough covered hands up, looking helplessly at the sink.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, so the Master Chef needs my help now?” Laura asks in a smug tone but regrets it immediately when she sees the look on Carmilla’s face.  _ _  
_ _ “On second thought, I changed my mind. Come here, Laura Dearest. Have a taste,” Carmilla has an evil grin on her face and begins to walk towards Laura, filthy hands wiggling as she approaches. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Don’t you dare,” Laura jumps up out of her chair and begins to back away up quickly ends up against a wall.  _ _  
_ _ “Nowhere to hide,” Carmilla sing songs and Laura looks terrified, right before she makes contact with her face, Carmilla stops. The look on her face changes and Laura glances first up at her and then down at the finger still hovering in front of her. Without another thought, Laura grabs Carmilla’s hand to steady it and brings the finger to her mouth. Quite possibly taking longer, and making more use of her tongue than necessary. She pulls back with a smirk as Carmilla’s face slackens and she looks completely unsure of how the situation slipped so quickly out of her control.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Mmm, should we get to it then?” Laura asks as Carmilla snaps her mouth shut and swallows before trying to speak. _ _  
_ _ “What?” Carmilla squeaks, and Laura is suddenly all innocent smiles.  _ _  
_ _ “The cookies, we should put them in the oven,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Right, the cookies. Yep,” Carmilla nods dumbly, unsure of what to do.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura places the tray in the oven and looks over at Carmilla with a sly smile, _ _  
_ _ “It’s pretty warm back here, actually.”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re getting better, still not great by any stretch, but better,” Laura comments and Carmilla sighs before looking down at the rock in her hand and sending it out hurtling towards the surface of the way. Two skips, she hated that that was an improvement. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You don’t need to spare my feelings, Cupcake,” Carmilla replies and Laura breathes out a laugh. _ _  
_ _ “I’m not, you actually are improving. I’m super proud of you for sticking at it,”   _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Whatever you say, you wanna go climb your tree now though, don’t you?” Carmilla asks, and Laura grins before taking off running.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You really are fond of that tree, aren’t you?” Carmilla asks as Laura is already ascending to her preferred place to sit among the branches of the tree. Laura pokes her head out to peer down at Carmilla with a serious look on her face. _ _  
_ _ “This tree and I have a bond, Carm. His name is Carmichael Evergreen and I would die for him. These particular branches are named Huffle and Puffle, and I would also die for them,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You know that’s not an evergreen, right?” Carmilla tilts her head and Laura mocks offense.  _ _  
_ _ “Hey, I don’t make fun of you for your name, do I? Show Mikey some respect,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Mikey, really?” Carmilla scoffs and Laura grins, patting Mikey on the branch affectionately.  _ _  
_ _ “It’s what his friends call him, Carmichael just seems so formal,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re such a dork,” Carmilla sighs before walking up to the base of the tree and contemplating the easiest way to do this. _ _  
_ _ “Alright, Carmichael Evergreen, you be nice to me and I’ll be nice to you,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ With some maneuvering on Carmilla’s part, and some coaching on Laura’s, Carmilla manages to seat herself more or less next to Laura on what she believes to be Huffle.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Well, that was something,” Carmilla comments and Laura chuckles in agreement.  _ _  
_ _ “Yeah, I really would have thought you were more flexible than that display demonstrated,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah, I don’t really advertise it though. You though, by all means, slap that on your next job application,” Carmilla replies and nudges Laura with her shoulder. _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Do you believe me now about the view?” Laura asks, gesturing out towards where the pond is being lit up by the now setting sun. Laura is too busy looking out to see that Carmilla is now staring at her.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah, I still like my view more,” Carmilla says, grabbing Laura’s chin lightly with her hand and leading her into a kiss. Laura is taken by surprise, but she is more than happy to comply with the notion. As far as people sharing a first kiss, Laura supposes that in a tree, with a beautiful view, and an even more beautiful girl is one for the books.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “That was a thing,” Laura breathes when they pull apart, but not by much, leaving their foreheads resting against each other.  _ _  
_ _ “That was a thing I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time,” Carmilla hums in agreement and goes in for another kiss. They continue to enjoy one another until they actually pause long enough to realize that it is well and truly dark now.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Oh, it’s kinda dark now,” Laura muses and Carmilla makes an indignant sound. _ _  
_ _ “I know, right? How rude of the sky to get dark around us? I just cannot believe the audacity,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Carmilla finishes her statement and fails quite significantly at keeping a straight face, Laura just rolls her eyes. _ _  
_ _ “I was worrying about you, you jerk. I can get up and down this thing with my eyes closed, you, on the other hand, were struggling to get up it in broad daylight,” Laura points out and Carmilla falls silent before letting out a quiet, “fuck”.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Yeah, that’s what I thought. Don’t worry though, I’ll climb down and guide you through,” Laura replies, already moving around Carmilla and beginning a graceful descent. She lands softly at the bottom and she looks up to see that Carmilla is staring down at her with a mix of awe and frustration.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Alright, let’s make gravity my bitch,” Carmilla says, and with Laura’s help, she gets almost to the ground without too much of a slip-up.  _ _  
_ _ “Hah, see. I’ve got this, gravity can fuck right-” Carmilla yelps as she slips and falls the last few feet to the ground.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Smooth, yep, you definitely showed gravity,” Laura laughs as she looks down at where Carmilla is now wide eyed and flat on her back.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “Shut up, you didn’t even try to catch me,” Carmilla grumbles and Laura pouts at her. _ _  
_ _ “Aww, I’m sorry, babe. If I’d caught you, I wouldn’t be able to kiss it better,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ Laura does indeed kiss it better, lowering herself onto the ground and rolling onto Carmilla. When she does finally pull back, Carmilla has a cheeky grin on her face. _ _  
_ _ “Babe, huh?” _ _  
_ _ “Oh shut up, you just fell out of a tree,” Laura retorts and Carmilla pouts. _ _  
_ _ “Exactly, I’m clearly the victim here,”  _ _  
_ _ “You’re definitely something, you idiot,” Laura mutters, helping Carmilla to her feet.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “You’re so mean to me,” Carmilla complains and holds a hand over her heart. _ _  
_ _ “However will you forgive me?” Laura asks before threading her hands in Carmilla’s hair and pulling her down for another kiss.  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I mean, I think if you called me something other than, ‘idiot’, I could definitely consider forgetting about your little indiscretion,” Carmilla muses and Laura pulls back with a tilt of her head.  _ _  
_ _ “Oh, yeah? And what’s that?”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ “I think I could definitely get behind, ‘girlfriend’,” Carmilla replies without mixing a beat and Laura wrinkles her nose but there is definitely a smile situated on her face. _ _  
_ _ “Smooth,”  _ _  
_ _  
_ _ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ “It took you a while, but you really aren’t so bad at that now,” Laura comments, having walked up behind Carmilla after watching her skip a rock and counting out four skips.    
“I had a good teacher,” Carmilla replies with a sad smile, already sensing the resignation in Laura that could in no way bode well for her. She hated to admit it, but the spark of the girl she fell in love with didn’t seem to want to come to light anymore. It was almost as if Laura had given up on herself altogether at the same time that she decided to give up on them.    
  
“It’s kind of poetic, isn’t it? Doing this here, right where I first fell in love with you. Beginning of the end I suppose,” Carmilla muses, and Laura’s face falls.   
  
“I don’t want to have to do this, Carm,” Laura starts and Carmilla shakes her head, a bitter breath escaping her lips.   
“Then  _ don’t _ , Laura. Don’t do this,”    
  
“I don’t want to, but I have to. Falling in love with me is the worst mistake you could have made, and now we both have to deal with it. That’s why I need to end it now, because the longer I wait, the more it’s going to hurt,” Laura responds, looking Carmilla in the eye and hating how much pain she can see there already.    
  
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Carmilla tosses back and Laura’s jaw tenses.    
“Even so, you deserve so much better than me and you deserve so much better than all of this,”    
  
“Oh don’t start with this ‘deserving better’, I don’t give a damn what I deserve. I just want you, but I guess that’s just not enough anymore. I don’t know when it happened, Laura, but you gave up. God, you’re everything to me and I’m nothing to you anymore,” Carmilla exclaims, running her hands through her hair and pacing back and forth.    
“How did that happen? How did that happen to us?”    
  
“I don’t know, I wish I did. Things just never seem to work out for us, Carm. I don’t think they ever will,” Laura answers, swallowing hard as she keeps her eyes on Carmilla.    
  
“Of course they won’t, because you don’t ever let them. That’s what you do, Laura. You get scared, and you shut down. I can’t just do that, okay? I can’t just push my feelings away and pretend they don’t mean anything, God, I wish I could. Instead, I’m left feeling so goddamn much that it’s killing me,”    
  
“You think I want to hurt you? God, I’m trying to make this whole thing as painless as possible, but  _ this _ ? This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, you’re making it so hard for me to let you go,” Laura chokes out, her emotions finally starting to take control.   
  
“No, you don’t get to do that. You don’t get to try and spin this to be my fault instead of yours. You did this, Laura. You always said that you didn’t want to end up like your mother, but that’s exactly what you’re doing,” Carmilla knows that she shouldn’t be bringing Laura’s mother into this, but right now she’s too upset to care.    
  
“I know, okay? I know, but that doesn’t mean I can do anything to stop it. This whole time, I’ve been taking it all out on you, I don’t want this, Carmilla. I want you to hate me, I don’t understand why you don’t. I don’t understand why you haven’t just given up on me already, if I’m honest I don’t know if you even can,” Laura’s voice cracks and she bites her lip.    
  
“I promised myself I wouldn’t let anyone break my heart, yet here you are. That’s where you’re wrong, Laura. I do hate you, but I know I hate myself more,” Carmilla mutters and Laura opens her mouth but closes again as she inhales.    
  
“I regret it all,” Laura breathes and Carmilla shakes her head with a bittersweet smile on her face.   
  
“No, you don’t,” Carmilla says, not able to make eye contact with Laura for fear that she might see truth in her eyes. Carmilla hears Laura take a deep breath in, while she herself is holding hers.    
  
“I’ve never lied to you, Carmilla. That’s the truest thing I’ve ever said,” Laura sighs as she steels herself for when Carmilla looks up at her, her eyes burning with anger.   
  
  
“So that’s it, then? After everything you’re just going to run? You’re not even going to fight it anymore, you’re just giving in,” Carmilla states and Laura reaches up to wipe away some of the tears that were falling down her own cheeks.    
  
“It’s what I do best, I was an idiot to think otherwise. I’ve always known I’d be just like her, no amount of fighting is ever going to change that, everything would be so much easier if it could,”   
  
“Don’t do that, don’t sabotage yourself just because you think that’s what you deserve. I love you, Laura. Please, just stop for one fucking second and accept that you love me too,” Carmilla yells, finally reaching her breaking point. She wasn’t ready to sit back and let the girl she loves walk away from her. Laura doesn’t respond for a moment, and Carmilla can’t keep herself quiet any longer.   
  
“Have you even stopped to notice what you’re doing? You’re going to fucking  _ ruin _ me, Laura, and I don’t even know if you realize. You’re too wrapped up in your own head, and I’m just supposed to accept it. I’m just supposed to watch you walk away and pretend like my entire world isn’t crumbling around me. I love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever stop. That should be enough, but it isn’t and I don’t know what to do,”    
  
Carmilla finishes speaking and all the fight in her finally fades and she drops down onto the ground, watching as Laura looks down at her.    
  
Laura uses every last ounce of resolve she has not to give in and hold Carmilla in her arms, to kiss away all of the hurt but she knows that she can’t. She doesn’t doubt that what she is about to do is the worst thing she’ll ever do in her life, but she does it anyway. She looks down at the girl she wishes she knew how to love, and lets out the words she knows will be the only thing that will make Carmilla let her go.    
  
  
“I don’t love you, and I never can. Goodnight, Carmilla,” Laura finally speaks the words that break her, even though Carmilla’s not ready to let her go, she doesn’t think she has much of a choice anymore.   
  
_ ~ _ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ Carmilla can’t do anything but stare as she looks at the girl that had broken her heart 5 years ago. She watches as Laura stares at her with an odd mix of determination and resignation on her face, seemingly unbothered by the fact that she was saturated from the pouring rain.    
“I lied. That night, I lied.”    
  
Carmilla finds that the words just fall out of her mouth after that, “I know, I think I’ve always known.”   
  



End file.
